BURDEN OF FREEDOM AT 50

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 My manager gave me news of my redeployment in such a strange way.  He sent me a meeting notice titled, “Need to talk to you right away, ” and in the body of the message he asked me to arrange a conference room.  We work virtually– I’m in Georgia, he’s on the west coast.  I have always  sat at my desk for meetings, never had the need to arrange a conference room.  I knew it was one of two things he wanted to discuss – either a raise, or a layoff.  Recently returned from a fabulous seventeen day Egyptian birthday vacation, I chose to think the best, however during the meeting I was “offered” four weeks to find another position within the company with some other little stinky details I’ll discuss later.  The conference room I guess in retrospect was to protect my co-workers from the anticipated rants and raves.  I gave him neither, accepting the relegation with a calmness that surprised me. He must have thought I was in shock as he gave me the rest of the day off to let it sink in.  In actuality, I was feeling relieved, relieved of a burden that I carried for sixty plus hours of every week. 

But now what?  I feel a new delicious burden of freedom, celebrating the time I have to find another provision either at this company or elsewhere.   I sit here, newly age 50, newly relegated to job redeployment, potentially WFR (the company acronym for work force reduction– euphemism for “lay off”).  I contemplate why I’m having such a difficult time maneuvering thru the company job search website.  Not only is the site outsourced and slow, but all the descriptions seem to need a rocket scientist to do the tasks.  A few listed jobs seem familiar and maybe attainable but why am I so reticent to submit my resume?  It’s not that I feel belittled at all – I’ve made it through five years of job cuts so the dregs left are top gun, crème de la crème.  It’s not that I’m angry though my friends and family are feeling that for me – especially since I just got back from a multi thousand dollar vacation celebrating the big five-o.  I did mention to my manager that he could have given me some type of advance warning; in typical exec style he admitted he wanted to but that his hands were tied. Of course.

I’m single with no other means of support.  Am I worried?  Concerned is more like it as I’m stuck between a rock and a hard spot.  I’m reticent to apply for new jobs because I’ve worked in “Corporate” for thirty years and am no longer ladder climbing, don’t care about jockeying for a prominent position, no longer care about the cool press against my nose and hands from the invisible glass ceiling.  Office politics– I won’t miss.  Water cooler/ canteen talk – ok that is admittedly a great source of insider information that will need to have a substitution.  But overall I just don’t care about finding another office role.  I feel like throwing a fit, and screaming, “Idon’twannadoitanymore!”  As a matter of fact, hold on… ok I just took a sec to yell same.  I don’t wanna wake up to an intrusive alarm, drive on a parallel highway, park in a square lot with square allocations for the square car, walk onto a parallel sidewalk, enter into a square building  thru square double  doors, sit down in a squarish cube, in front of a square keyboard and a square monitor.  Nope, nada, no, non,  don’ wanna.  

Personally I think this potential liberation is an  opportunity provided by the Great and Almighty .  My sister says no, it’s just the circumstances.  She’s not a bit jaded.  So now what?  I’m highly skilled and functional in a corporate environment.  What do I do for enjoyment that I can turn channel into a lucrative provision?  Do I have enough time in a week to turn multiple little jobs into one reasonable stream of income?  Reasonable meaning supporting myself in the same manner.  

Would love to hear from you if you are in the same boat.  Actually would love to hear from you regardless, lol.  Stay tuned for more…

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